Thursday, February 19, 2009


Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. It sure is good to get out and around after you've been stove up and shut-in for a spell. My wife finally loosed the shackles after my surgery and let me get out for a bit and it sure was upliftin'.
I decided I would go down to the Grab Sum Grub and see if I could catch up on the news at the round table. Lonzo was there. I asked him what he was doin' with himself while he was waitin' for the pro bass tournaments to start up again.
One of the men spoke up and said, "Old Lonzo has been a real go getter the last month or so. He takes Maybelle to work and when she gets off he'll go get her."
Bro. Ben Shorter was missing and I asked about him. One of the men just looked kind of sad and wrote R.I.P. on a napkin and turned it around so I could see it. I was kind of shocked, "Does that stand for Rest in Peace?" I asked.
They all burst out laughing and said in unison, "Naw it stands for Rip in Pants."
Seems like when you miss a Sunday at Church you always miss some excitement. They all joined in telling the story and adding details. Lonzo started it off, "You know Darlene has been gone for the week staying with her mother after surgery and Bro. Ben has been makin' it the best he could without her. By Sunday he had done run out of clean underwear and was down to one pair of boxer shorts which had red and white stripes with blue trim."
Someone else jumped in, "He didn't figure it'd matter none nohow because no one was goin' to see them."
They all laughed and said,"Or at least that's what he thought."
Another voice added, "Right after the morning offering he dropped his song book and bent over to pick it up. When he did the seat of his suitpants ripped right up the middle revealing them red, white, and blue underwear to the entire choir. Minnie Belle turned red as a beet and looked like she was goin' to hyperventilate."
Lonzo was laughing so hard he could hardly add, "Them three old World War Two veterans in the choir are so near sighted they just saw the red, white, and blue and saluted."
Parker added, "Deacon Stearn can't see much better than they can and from his angle all he saw was white and after the service he asked me who the little short fellow with the big smile standing next to the pulpit was."
"The song leader quickly dismissed the choir so the preacher could stay hid behind the pulpit during his sermon but he had forgotten that the Praise Hymn was "God Bless America". Couldn't nobody sing with a straight face."
It seems that Bro. Ben preached the shortest message he had ever preached and while every one's head was lowered for the closing prayer he slipped out the side door.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin', I'll bet Darlene won't have to nag Bro. Ben so much about losin' a little weight for awhile. I'd also bet that Bro. Ben was down at the Wal-Mart in the city Monday buying him some new white BVDs.
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  1. That was some top drawer material.

  2. That was some flag raising I'LL SAY.

  3. bobo you ain't right. I'm thankin' Glowri let you out a might too soon


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