WHAT YOU ARE WORTH

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
Boomer dropped by to see me the other day. I always enjoy Boomer's visits. I see the rest of his family occasionally but I usually ask Boomer how they are doing because I really enjoy hearing about them from his perspective, especially his brother Arlis who spends a lot of time either laying on the couch or on his bed.
"I saw your brother Arlis the other day and he's getting to be a big old boy," I said.
"Yes sir, I reckon he's almost six feet long by now," he answered seriously.
"Has he said anything about what he's going to do when he gets out of school?" I asked him.
"I'm not sure. I was askin' him about it the other day and it has kind of got me worried a little," he answered, "He told me he reckoned he'd get a job if he could find one that would pay him what he's worth."
"That don't sound so bad I said. Sounds like that might be the thing he should do if he ain't goin' to college." I said.
"Uncle Bo, If he gets a job payin' him what he's worth, he ain't never goin' to be able to make a livin' for himself."
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin', if a lot folks got paid what they are worth they would be starvin' to death.

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A LITTLE CLEANING UP

Pot Problem

INCOMPATABILITY

STOP OR SLOW DOWN

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
Sometimes we think little things don't really make a difference. Especially little things like speed limits and stop signs. That is unless you are one of Sheriff Rupert P. Rhondo's deputies. He is one of those men who are firm but fair. His cheif deputy, Dudley Dinkins is definitely a stickler for the laws and the rules of the road.
I hear a lot of things told on Dudley, the folks around here naturally call him Deputy Do Right, but I think some folks will stretch the truth a little. They say he stopped his own momma and gave her a ticket for speeding. That means he ain't near as scared of his momma as I was.
One of the best stories they told on him was about a car with out of state license that slowed down and rolled through a stop sign without coming to a complete stop. Dudley happened to be coming down the road and saw the whole thing. He pulled the man over and started writing him a ticket.
"What are you writing me a ticket for?" the driver asked
Dudley was real polite and said, "You didn't come to a complete stop at that stop sign."
The out of state driver said, "You are just a hick deputy, what difference does it make if I came to a complete stop. I slowed down didn't I."
They said old Dudley just smiled, snatched him out of the car and started hitting with his night stick. Still smiling he said, "Now do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
I reckon if there is any truth to that story that the driver learned that there is a big difference between stopping and slowing down.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
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ACT LIKE THEIR PARENTS

KEEP ON DRIVING

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
Burt and Kurt were sittin' under the shade tree the other day when Old Odis went drivin' by with his window down and waved at them. As you know Old Odis can really stretch the truth. We mostly don't come right out and accuse him of lying though, that is except for Kurt and Burt. Every time they see him they kind of pick at him about being the biggest liar in the state.
When Old Odis drove by Kurt hollered at him and said, "He Odis, stop for awhile and tell us a lie."
Odis slowed down almost to a stop and said, "I ain't got time right now. Some feller from out of town was getting one of them hairstyles at Perty Primper and Bernice caught his hair on fire with the blow dryer and throwed water on him to put it out and the hair dryer was in his lap and it electrocuted him." He then drove off toward the Perty Primper as fast as his old truck would go.
Kurt and Burt both jumped up and ran the half mile to the Perty Primper and busted through the door. By the time they got there Old Odis was sittin' in the chair and Bernice was startin' to trim his hair. Burt and Kurt were both puffin' and blowin' and when they finally caught their breath they asked, "Whut in the world did you tell us that for?"
Old Odis was settin' there grinnin' like a possum eatin green persimmons, "Ya,ll asked me to stop and tell you a lie and I was in a hurry so I figured I'd jist tell you one and keep on drivin."
Burt and Kurt kind of pouted around for a day or too but they finally got to where they could laugh about it. They might as well have, everyone else in town was cause Bernice had a ball tellin' it to everyone she saw.

Bigots

REDNECK SCIENTISTS

Hi, Im Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
The last few days I have been hearin news reports about some experiment a bunch of scientists are thinkin' of doin'. It seems that the scientific community (now that's a scary neighborhood) is about evenly split on this experiment that these folks are about to do.
Not bein' a scientist, I'll try to explain what I understand they are tryin' to do. Some how they are trying to start some kind of reaction way down in the center of the earth to determine how the world came to be. I reckon it would be a whole lot easier and cheaper if they would just read the first few chapters of the Bible. Without goin' into the details about what they are plannin' on doin' I do know that they say that what they are going to do is perfectly harmless to the Earth.
The other group that opposes this experiment says that what the scientists are doing is going to cause a chain reaction. Their feeling is that deep within the earth a big black whole will start and it will grow until the Earth disintegrates and nothing will be left.
What I been thinkin' is that if there is a even the slightest possiblity that the skeptics are right wouldn't it make sense to just not do the experiment.
Jeff Foxworthy , the most famous of celebrity rednecks, has said that the last words of many rednecks has been, "Hey, ya'll watch this." After those words they do something stupid and wind up among the dearly departed.
I've been thinkin', I'll bet just before the experiment that could cause the world to disappear them scientists will probably all holler, "Hey, Ya'll watch this."
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

NOW THAT'S EXCITEMENT

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
I guess even in a small community you can have your share of excitement. Sometimes it's brought on by a windy spinner like Old Odis and sometimes it just happens. When it happens and a real sharp youngun' describes it to you it seems so much more excitin' than if you see it yourself.
Boomer stopped by the other day and he was excited about something that happened in school. He was so excited that it took him a little while to calm down enough for me to understand it. It had something to do with the teacher leaving and them have a substitute. When he finally calmed down I got the details.
"Our regular teacher was at the blackboard after the roll call. Today was the day for show and tell, which we don't do til after lunch and she was just up there writin' some problems on the board."
"Wade, he's in my class, brought his pet mouse in a shoe box for show and tell. The teacher had her back turned so Wade opened the box to show it to Kenny. When he opened it the mouse jumped out and ran toward the front of the class. All the girls started screaming and I reckon that must have cared George, that's the mouse's name, and he took off running toward the blackboard. Just about the time the teacher turned around that little mouse ran up her pants leg and she started dancing and screamin' just like the girls were."
"I reckon that was pretty scary for her," I said when he finally paused long enough to take a breath.
"She must be pretty strong too," Boomer said.
"Why is that?," I asked.
"That little bitty woman must be strong. She squeezed pretty near a quart of water out of that little old mouse."
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin', If I was Wade I'd try to make sure that no one knew he was the one that brought the mouse.

FRIENDSHIP

HARD TO FIND

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

Boomer came by the other day. He said He's likin' the third grade pretty much but they have a lot of homework.
"My brain gets plumb tired from all that knowledge at school and when I get home it's just hard to keep it up." he said. "If they keep makin' me learn stuff all day and then at home I'm going to know a whole lot more than I want to."
You know, there are some things I have learned a whole lot more about than I wanted to know.
I asked him about his family and he gave me a pretty good run down on them all but the most interesting thing was about his brother Arlis. "Arlis is looking for a girlfriend and he said she has got to be pretty before she can be his girlfriend." he paused, "Thats probably going to be a problem."
I asked him, "Why is that? There are a lot of pretty girls around here."
"I know that," Arlis said, "But where is he going to find one that is pretty enough to suit him and dumb enough to like him?"
I reckon Arlis don't need to fret too much. I've known a lot of other men that found one like that.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

Small Talk

Right Questions

Braggin' Parents

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
One of the things I've been thinkin' about lately is how proud parents are of their youngun's, especially when they do good. Parent's of bright children are strong believers in heredity. The ones with less brilliant offspring want to blame the environment they live in.
Have you ever noticed all them bumper stickers that say, "My Child is an Honor Student at _______School." You don't ever see one that says, "If my child had missed one more question in high school he wouldn't have graduated?" I have never seen one that said, "My Son Was Paroled Early For Good Behavior".
One good thing is that kids do sometime change and straighten up when they get older. I always tell everyone that when I was a youngun I was the type of boy my mama didn't want me to play with. (THERE IS A WHOLE LOT OF TRUTH TO THAT). People do change, some for the better, some for the worse.
I remember when I was in school the big strong athletes that used to pick on the smart kids that weren't so big. The ideal was if you were big and strong and had pretty good sense too, but that was rare. I've wonder a lot if those big old boys remember picking on the brainy kids, especially since they are probably working for them. You can bet the brainy kids remember the big old boys who picked on them.
I reckon parents will be braggin' on their younguns as long a folks keep havin' younguns. Boomer is a right smart boy and his mama Maybelle say's, "Well, Boomer must have got his daddy's brains."
That seemed kind of strange since Lonzo gets wet a lot because he don't know to git in out of the rain so I asked her why she thought that.
"Because I still have mine." she said.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin', it don't matter if our younguns are honor students or not, they need us to love 'em and be proud of 'em just the same.
Send me a note: bo@bolumpkin.com or leave a comment.
It's easier to go to the movie section now. You just click on BO LUMPKIN MOVIES in the upper right hand corner of this page. I need some feedback on the new cartoon format.