Ground Hog Day

NEW FEATURE WARREN THE WEATHER WOLFE

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and Warren will probably appear from time to time when there is something in the weather to talk about. Usually he will not be a stand alone feature.

Special Note: Sometime in the Near future I will be having some surgery. My good friend Steve Ganshert will be uploading my material to his blog for me so that we don't miss many days. I will make sure it is easy to get too but just so you will be familiar with the blog you can check it out by going to my blogs on the side of the page and clicking on Rambler. That will get you right to him.

CELL PHONES

Hi ya'll, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I been thinkin'.
I reckon I'm one of the last people in Kudzu County to get me a cell phone. I got one of them pay as you talk deals that costs me an average of $10 dollars a month. If I am in the car and it rings I usually have to pull over to the side so I can talk. Sometimes I have to tell the caller to wait until I can find a place to pull over and I will call him back. I reckon I just ain't gifted enough to multitask while I should be drivin'.
The scary part about all that is I'm afraid there are a lot of other people who can't drive and do something else as well as they think they can.
I can see the usefulness of a cell phone (enough that I bought one myself)but I think some folks go overboard. I see folks at six o'clock in the morning at an intersection and they are talkin' on the cell phone. Who do you talk to at six o'clock in the mornin' on the phone? Who is so important for someone to talk to that they have to carry on cell phone conversations with them in public restrooms. Just some advice from old Bo, "There are some things you do that you really don't need no company for."
I saw a group of younguns once and they were all sitting around but none of them were talkin'. They were all poking the keys on their cell phones. I thought they were playin' some kind of video game until someone explained text messagin' to me. The funny thing about it was they was text messagin' people right there in the same room with them. You don't reckon people are going to completely forget how to talk do you?
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin', I do have a cell phone but I ain't about to start learnin' how to text message. I know I've been gittin' in some of your business on this one so it's fine if you want to leave me a comment and let me know whatchall been thinkin' (or textin'). Write me an email to bo@bolumpkin.com or bolumpkin@gmail.com.

THE GOVERNMENT AND THE ECONOMY

Hi ya'll, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. I've been thinkin' about the economy a lot lately. It's really hard not to think about it when they talk about it on the news every day. News people talkin' about the economy is kind of like them givin' the weather forecast. You really don't know what is goin' to happen for sure until you step out into it.
I went into a County government office the other day and everything was in a mess. They were remodeling (probably with a federal grant) and repainting and fixing it up real nice. I was looking for some information which I usually have a hard time getting from that particular office and it was a real chore because most of the people working there had no idea how to find that information. I finally poked around until I found it myself.
What I've been thinkin' about is why do they have money to repaint and remodel but not enough money to organize things where you can find the information you need.
Another thing I've wondered about is when you go into a small town, why are the government buildings the nicest ones in the whole town? If you look around you'll notice it too. When you try to park close to a government building you have to drive around in circles and then park a mile away because the parking spaces(half of them empty) are all reserved for the people who work there. I can't think of any business that reserves the best parking for the employees and makes the customers walk to get there.
I realize that there are probably plenty of public servants who are just that and are doing a good job but when I look at things over all I figure that if anything good is going to come out of the economy it ain't goin' to come from the government.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin. Whatchall been thinkin'? Leave me a comment or write me an e-mail at bo@bolumpkin.com or bolumpkin@gmail.com. I'd sure like to hear whatchall think.

IT'S ALMOST OVER

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and we have another guest article from our resident Couch Potato, R.E. Cline. Ya'll need to remember him, he's havin' a real hard time of it right now.
WHERE DID IT GO SO FAST?
It came in early August with the preseason games. I know they really don't count but at least it's football. September started off the regular season of both college and pro-football and it all seems like a blur. I began to get a little nervous at the end of the regular college season but at least I knew there would be a couple of dozen bowl games to watch during the holidays and the pro season was still going on.
Then the bowl games were over, no more college games, the pro season was ending and all that were left were the playoffs. My favorite teams lost their first games but there was still football. This weekend there was no football at all. My system almost went into a complete shutdown, the whole season flashed before my eyes like one long instant replay. My fingers numbed from flipping through channels only to find 30 minute infomercials and ice skating.
As I sat staring forlornly out the window, almost oblivious to all that was going on around me my wife casually asked, "When is the Superbowl?"
The blood began to flow back into my brain and it seemed that the sun came from behind the clouds. The Super Bowl. One more game. The big game. It's not over yet and I realized that there is still hope. Football ends after that final game but basketball season has already started and it is only a little over a month until the NCAA Basketball tournament. The Couch Potato's dream. Basketball from early morning until late at night for three solid weekends.
Life is still good. I have something through March and who knows, the weather might even be good enough to leave the house by then. I really wonder what it is like out there. The new president has promised change. Has the world really changed since July when I saw it last? I don't know but I guess I will find out in April when I venture out again.
R.E.Cline with the Couch Potato Report. We all need some CPR from time to time.

More Than I Know

Like Mice

News From Gatorhead II

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. Here are some more tidbits from Gatorhead.

A lady from another church called Bro. Ben to visit her sick husband in the hospital. Bro. Ben went to see him even though he had a very contagious disease. After the visit Bro. Ben wondered why she had called him so he asked, "Is your pastor out of town." She answered, "No but we really love him and didn't want to expose him to such a dreaded disease."

The little girl at a wedding asked her mother why the bride was dressed completely in white. The mother answered, "Because it is a joyful ocassion filled with happiness and hope for her.""Then why is the groom dressed in black," she asked.

A friend of mine at the University said they were going to start offering a course in Psycho-ceramics. That is the study of crackpots. I reckon there ought to be a waitin' list for that one.

I was down at the Grab Sum Grub drinkin' a Yoohoo the other day and Sherrif Rupert P. Rhondo, and Deputy Dudley Dinkins was havin' a little argument. Seems like Dudley had given a ticket to one of the locals for failing to give a signal when they turned. The sherrif was pretty upset, "Now Dudley, I've always told my deputies not to give any tickets for failure to give a signal if the driver is local. Everyone around here knows where everyone else is goin' so there ain't no use in them givin' a signal."

I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. Why don't ya'll let everyone know whatchall been thinkin' too. Leave a comment, and even if you don't leave a comment you should at least read 'em. Sometimes there are some good ones.

Knows Everything

Clean Air

THANK YOU FOR NOT-

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
I don't exactly recall where I was the other day when I saw it but I saw a sign that really got me to thinkin'. I am sure you have seen a sign like it before too. All it said was, "THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING."
Well I don't smoke (anymore) but it sure started me to thinkin'. I can remember when no matter where you went someone was smokin'. Now you don't hardly see anybody smokin' in public anymore. I am aware that they have outlawed smokin' in a lot of public places and that is probably the reason you don't see much of it, but if you think about it, even before it became a felony to light up in public if there was a sign that said, "THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING", most folks didn't smoke there.
I was in the doctor's office the other day and there was another sign, It said, TURN OFF ALL CELL PHONES (another addictive behavior). I was thinkin' it would be a lot nicer if they used the same tactics and said, "Thank You For Turning Off Your Cell Phone". I am kind of confused on what I think about that. On the positive side, you feel kind of obligated to do something that somebody has already thanked you for. On the other side, and I ain't so sure this is negative, it could start a whole new movement. They might start making cell phones illegal on hospital grounds and in public buildings. There might be no cell phone sections in restaurants. They might even make it illegal to use a cell phone in a restaurant unless they also have a bar(like they do with smokin').
Actually that ain't the direction I intended to wander off too but it is a good point. The thing I really been thinkin' about is maybe we ought to try the same tactics to get people to change other bad habits.
When we go into a Mexican Restaurant before we are seated we could say, "Thank you for not playing your music so loud that we can't talk." Or even we could say, "Thank you for sending us a waiter/waitress (I can't get used to calling them servers) that can speak enough English to take our order."
It might even work in a non-comercial situation. The next time you see someone at work or anywhere who is always complaining just say, "Thank you for being such a positive person."
I might get out my old Button Machine and start making buttons again. I could make one that says, "Thank You For Not Cussin'" and another that says, "Thank You For Smilin'".
I could probably go on and on about this (and probably will at some later time) but I would like to give ya'll a chance to Thank Folks for not doin' somethin, or for doin' somethin'. Ya'll know you can come up with some thank yous for everyone so be sure and leave 'em on the comments. Don't forget to read the comments, some of them are better than some of the articles.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. Whatchall been thinkin. You can tell me about it in a comment or send me an email to bo@bolumpkin.com or bo lumpkin@gmail.com.

News From Gatorhead I

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
Sometimes interestin' things happen around Gatorhead but they just ain't long enough to make a full article out of. Some of them happen to characters that I haven't had the chance to make comics out of so I decided that every once in awhile it wouldn't hurt none to just throw in a few short tid-bits. I hope ya'll like 'em.
Clymenestra won first place in a beauty contest last week and had to give a thank you speech at the end of it. I especially liked the part where she said, "I really want to thank all the other girls in the contest for not being as pretty as I am."
One of the local farmers said he went to a church convention and all the preachers were discussing how to get people to church. He listened as they came up with all sorts of ideas and then he finally said, "I've found that when you put out good feed the cows always come up." I reckon that could be true with preachers too. If they put out good feed the spiritually hungry will certainly come for it.
Dude and Dub Gant got suspended from school for a week. They got caught cheatin'. The trouble was that they was cheatin' off each other. Neither of them knew the right answers and the teacher said it was obvious that no two people could have came up with the same ridiculous answers without copying. I don't think either of them ever had a notion that if they were goin't to cheat that they should copy off someone who was smarter than them.
I went to visit a friend in the hospital the other day and when I knocked on the door to his room he called out, "Friend or Enema." I'm kind of worried about him. When I asked how he was doing he said the doctor was examining him while the TV was on and said, "I wouldn't get interested in that if I was you."
My friend asked him why and he said, "It's continued."
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. If ya'll know of any excitin' news be sure and share it with us. Ya'll can click on comments to leave a comment but it also lets you go in and read what comments other folks have left. Some of them are better than the stuff I write. If you see that someone has left a comment check it out and leave one yourself.

SHAKE IT OFF

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

We had a little catastrophe in Gatorhead the other day. Old Hoss, Burt's horse fell in an old abandoned well. Ya'll probably know Hoss from his comics with Sarge. Burt thinks a lot of Old Hoss but he figured that he was probably hurt and would have to be put down anyway so he called a bunch of us together and said he felt the most humane thing to do was to just go ahead and bury Old Hoss in the well.
Someone asked him if he planned on shootin' Old Hoss to make sure he didn't suffer but Burt said he just didn't have the heart to do it. He figured he would just go ahead and bury him. None of the rest of us had much of a heart to shoot him either, what with him bein' retired from the fire department and all so we all said we'd pitch in to help fill the well as quick as possible.
We all began shovelin' dirt in that old well and we could hear Hoss just shake every time a a shovel full of dirt landed on his back. Hoss didn't seem to be too awful scared and someone shined a light down the well to see what was goin' on down there.
We was all surprised to see every time a shovel full of dirt would land on the back of Hoss he would just shake it off and step up, shake it off and step up. He did that until the well was full and he just stepped right out of that well, shook off what dirt was left and went over to the water trough and got a drink.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin, if we would handle the dirt that gets throwed at us like Old Hoss, just shake it off and step up, we wouldn't be nearly as likely to be buried under our problems.
Ya'll leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. I sure do like hearin' from you. Email me at bolumpkin@gmail.com or bo@bolumpkin.com. It wouldn't hurt my feelin's any if ya'll e-mailed this to your friends either.

NOT SOLD IN STORES

Hi I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'

R.E. Cline our resident couch potato has been thinkin' some too and one of the things he has been thinkin about is infomercials.

COUCH POTATO REPORT 3

Well it's time for some more CPR. Couch Potato Report for those who are new around here.

Have you ever noticed that most of those items on the 30 minute infomercials have a flashing caption that says, "Not Sold In Stores". Does it surprise anyone that they are not sold in stores. If it takes 30 minutes to dupe someone into buying one of them it is pretty evident that someone is not going to pick one up by just seeing it in a store- especially not if a $10 item is being sold for just 3 easy payments of $29.99 plus shiping and handling.
It makes me wonder if anyone really buys any of that stuff. Has anyone ever sat through a whole 30 minute infomercial? What kind of dummies do they think are watching TV anyway? I didn't mind it when those things are on in the middle of the night when most folks are asleep but now they run them all weekend during the day. (Whatever happened to the Lone Ranger and Tarzan?).
I've got a whole lot more I could say but I have a lot to do. I am going to take my "Pocket Fisherman" and my "Banjo Minnow" collection and go catch me a mess of fish so I can try out my new "Ginzu Knives". Don't worry about the mess I'll make, I got secret formula cleansers to clean up my portable gas grill, my electric wok, and any mess I drop on my floor.

Until next time this is R. E. Cline with a little CPR.

Note To Readers

I have added a blog to the list of blogs I follow. You can find it by going to my profile page and clicking on it. It is Rambler. Check it out. It is good clean humor too! Or you can find it on the side of the page under my blogs and click on Rambler.

Wrong All The Time

Everyone Has a Schedule

HEAVY