SOME TIMES YOU JUST NEED A YOOHOO

Hi I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

I was over at the Grab Sum Grub, a combination Quick Shop, Resturant, Bait Shop, Video Store, Gas Station and Post Office, the other day and I went over to the cooler and got me a Yoohoo. One of those chocolate drinks in a bottle and sat down at the table to rest a spell and refresh myself.

Parker, who owns the Grab Sum Grub with his wife Maudine came over to the table and sat down with me. "Seein' you drinking that Yoohoo reminds me of something that happened to my daughter and her husband last time they came down for a visit. It's a pretty long ride and Bob and Charlene were already tired but at least they weren't as cranky as Penelope. Penelope is my five year old grandaughter," he said. He was smilin' the way only a grandpa can smile when he talks about his grandyounguns and he continued,"Little Penny had done whined and complained about the trip and asked when they would be there until she began to get on Charlene's nerves. You know how that goes, Charlene and little Penny had begun to fuss and argue and that was getting on Bob's nerves. Finally Charlene told Penny that she had better get in a better mood."

"Penny just looked her in the eye and said,'I'd be in a whole lot better mood if somebody would stop and get me a Yoohoo." Parker laughed and continued, "Sure enough Bob pulled off at the next exit and went in and got her a Yoohoo and they didn't have another word out of her the whole trip."

As I sat there and enjoyed my Yoohoo I thought of all the problems in the world that might be solved if people would just stop and get them a Yoohoo. If President Kennedy had bought a couple of Yoohoos and sat down with Kruschev that whole Cold War episode might have been avoided. When Bush and Al Gore tied in Florida and the election was put on hold for so long if they had just set down and had a Yoohoo a lot of that confusion could have been avoided. Next time they have peace talks in the middle east they might all need to sit down and have a Yoohoo together and they just might get that mess over there straightened out.

I don't know about everyone else, but I just drank my Yoohoo that day and I've been in a little better mood ever since.

I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

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WAXING ELEPHANTS

Hi I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
When kids hear things in church(or anywhere else) they might not always get them exactly right but sometimes they get the general idea of what is meant.
Bro. Ben Shorter over at the Gatorhead Baptist Church was talking to a group of men at a fellowship the other night. He was telling about a well known evangelist that came to his church and a lot of the people wanted to record his sermon so they all lined up their tape recorders on the front pews. They were the old kind that made a real loud click, almost a pop, when they came to the end of the tape. Bro. Shorter was sort of laughing as he told them, "They had all put in 30 minute tapes in the recorders and the evangelist began to wax elequent, that's what we preachers call getting long winded, and those tape recorders began to run out of tape and snap off. It sounded like a small war or a dove hunt for awhile."
All the men got the point and laughed, Lonzo's eight year old boy, Boomer, didn't quite get the pronunciation of Waxing Elequent. He said, "We've had a lot of preachers here who liked to wax elephants too." The men thought that was funnier than the story Bro. Shorter told. Lonzo said, "That's right son, some of them missionaries that have come have waxed two or three elephants at a time."
Ever since that time when the men of the church think a preacher goes a little long on time they refer to it as Waxing Elephants.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.
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DEACON I.M. STEARN

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

Some folks just don't think they've had a good day unless they can make someone mad.


Bro. Ben Shorter is the present pastor of The Gatorhead Baptist Church. The church had been without a pastor for over a year and Bro. Keen, the district Missionary, had been the interim during that time. Deacon I.M. Stearn told Bro. Keen that he was really glad to have him preaching for them, "I really don't want no preacher anyhow," he said, " And you are the nearest thing to not having a preacher as we could get." When it came time for the church to vote whether or not to ask Bro. shorter to be their preacher everyone voted for him except Deacon Stearn. The moderator of the business meeting said it would be nice if could take another vote and make it unanimous. Deacon Stearn stood up and said, "As long as I'm a member of this church there ain't nothing going to be unanimous." Deacon Stearn has a lot of good days because he very seldom fails to make not just one but sometimes a bunch of folks mad. I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

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OSTEOFEROCIOUS

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'

I ran into Minnie Bell the other day at the Grab Sum Grub. That's a combination Quick Stop, resturant, deli, bait shop, video store, gas station and U.S. Post Office. Parker and Maudine run it. Maudine is the postmistress.

Minnie Bell, that is her whole name and everyone always calls her that, is a retired school teacher who never married. When it comes to complaining I don't reckon I ever met anyone who could hold one over on her. She is one of those people you don't want to ask how she is because she'll spend a good portion of the rest of the day telling you in detail. I've heard about her diabetes more times than I have Wilford Brimley's and about her Osteoporsis more times than Sally Fields.
I told Lonzo about runnin' into her and about her osteoporosis.
He said, "I was in her class when she taught school and back then she had osteoferocious, cause she sure was bad to the bone."
Just remember when someone asks you how you are they are just being polite. I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'
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PRESS 1 FOR ENGLISH

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin.
All of us are decendents of immigrants unless we are American Indians. I still have a problem of calling them Native Americans because I consider myself a Native American. I was born here and I ain't never been nowhere else and I figure that makes me about as native as you can get.
My point is that America has been a melting pot since the first bunch came over from Europe. That is really not a problem. The problem is we all need a common language and I figure since the biggest portion of us have been speaking English (or some variation thereof) since the Pilgrims landed that English should be the common language in the United States. Just to illustrate that fact let me tell you what happened to Lonzo.
Lonzo took sick on the weekend when Doc Cutter's office was closed and had to go into the city to the emergency room. He was laying there when a Doctor from India walked in with an hispanic nurse and an oriental x-ray technician. They were all asking him questions and he couldn't understand a word they were saying. There was a call button there to the nurses desk, because sometimes they leave you in there by yourself for awhile, and Lonzo pressed the call button.
A nurses voice came over the speaker and said, "Can I help you?"
Lonzo answered, "Yes, I was just trying to press one for English!"
I don't care how smart someone is, if you can't understand a word they are saying it don't help much.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'

Ya'll write, I'd really like to hear from you,
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HAVE A HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

I hope ya'll have a Happy Fourth of July and be real careful. Accidents can happen even when you are careful. As a matter of fact I read somewhere the other day that over 100,000 bathroom related accidents send people to the emergency room everyday.
I ain't takin' no chances so I reckon I'll just hold it till Monday.

Ya'll do have a safe and happy weekend and I'll be back Monday- I hope.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'
Ya'll write when you can:
bo@bolumpkin.com
or
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SOME FOLKS DON'T HAVE A GOOD DAY

Hi, I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'. Some folks just don't think they've had a good day unless they can make someone mad.
Bro. Ben Shorter is the present pastor of The Gatorhead Baptist Church. The church had been without a pastor for over a year and Bro. Keen, the district Missionary, had been the interim during that time. Deacon I.M. Stearn told Bro. Keen that he was really glad to have him preaching for them, "I really don't want no preacher anyhow," he said, " And you are the nearest thing to not having a preacher as we could get." When it came time for the church to vote whether or not to ask Bro. shorter to be their preacher everyone voted for him except Deacon Stearn. The moderator of the business meeting said it would be nice if could take another vote and make it unanimous. Deacon Stearn stood up and said, "As long as I'm a member of this church there ain't nothing going to be unanimous." Deacon Stearn has a lot of good days because he very seldom fails to make not just one but sometimes a bunch of folks mad.
I'm Bo Lumpkin and I've been thinkin'.

Hey, why don't ya'll write: bo@bolumpkin.com
Ya'll watch my newest video:http://www.motionbox.com/filings?folder_id=6124513
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